Cassie Kellner [00:00:00]:
In this episode, I sit down with Dr. Farah Kar, and we discuss tender and deeply emotional topics, including war and the loss of a child. If you're grieving, healing, or carrying something heavy right now, please take a moment and check in with yourself. It's more than okay to pause, skip, or return to this conversation whenever the time feels right for you. Welcome to the Bloom Effect. I'm your host, Cassie Kellner, former chairside assistant turned team coach and founder of Everbloom. This podcast is all about the real stuff. Honest combos, leadership lessons, and the heart behind thriving orthodontic teams. If you're ready to grow, lead and bloom, let's dive in. Welcome to the Bloom Effect. I'm your host, Cassie Kellner, and I am so, so excited to introduce you to my guest, Dr. Farah Kar. Oh, Farah the ortho queen. Okay, I just have to say this really quick.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:01:06]:
Uh huh.
Cassie Kellner [00:01:07]:
When we met, we. We met at the ao.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:01:14]:
Yes, we did.
Cassie Kellner [00:01:15]:
You were speaking before me. We were both 100 hours early and waiting. Right. Nobody was in there. It was lunchtime. Your sweater, I'll never forget it. Okay. It was, like, sparkly and shiny and sequins, and it, like, meant everything to me. Okay, but your lecture, you came out where wearing an inflatable unicorn costume.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:01:46]:
Yes.
Cassie Kellner [00:01:47]:
And you got it like, you had a whole dance routine. It. Farah. I was like, oh, if we lived closer, we'd be best friends. Like it was.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:01:58]:
Did you enjoy the whole metamorphosis effect that occurred when I came out of the unicorn?
Cassie Kellner [00:02:03]:
Oh, absolutely. You had your team, like, taking it off your feet like you had a whole thing.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:02:12]:
So apparently after that talk, the AAO organizers got together with all, like, the doctors that were introducing, and they were like, basically, hey, guys, like, we need to be able to be prepared for anything because here's what happened yesterday. Oh.
Cassie Kellner [00:02:29]:
Oh, my gosh.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:02:30]:
No. Because no one asked that. You know what I'm saying? I did.
Cassie Kellner [00:02:35]:
Totally.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:02:36]:
Who was introducing me? The doctor that was introducing me. What to expect because he was expecting me to come on stage. After he introduced me, I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm coming from the back of the room and I'm charging down the path.
Cassie Kellner [00:02:49]:
Oh, and you did.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:02:50]:
In an inflatable unicorn. Along the way, I ran into an old professor of mine who was sitting right at the edge. So I, like, booty shaked my face. It was just good times. But it was so wonderful. I think it was just meant to be for us to meet.
Cassie Kellner [00:03:07]:
Oh, my gosh. Totally. I agree. I'm so glad you're here. Okay, I start this with asking this one question. Are you ready?
Dr. Farah Kar [00:03:14]:
Yes.
Cassie Kellner [00:03:15]:
Okay. Who is Dr. Farah Kar?
Dr. Farah Kar [00:03:19]:
She is someone who gravitates towards having a good time. She is someone who is learning every day to find, you know, the. The joy and gratitude in everything that I do. I. I am extremely. I think I'm wired to just be a positive person. And I think that has helped me a lot through my life. And I. I like what I like. You know what I mean? Like, I like to dance. And they're like, why do you always wear headbands? What's up with the headbands? And I'm like, susan, I like headbands. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm very comfortable now. And I don't know if it's just because of, like. Like, just aging. I don't know. But I. I would say that I'm very comfortable with knowing what I like and I. What I don't like. And the things that I like, I just want to do more and more and more of. And so people who know me very well or just meet me, because honestly, Cassie, what you're seeing is what you're getting. And so I'm very consistent with how I am. And that's it. I just. I just. I know we're on this crazy ride called life, and I have no idea when it's gonna end. And I. And I. I just wanna. I wanna make the most of it. I wanna receive love and give love, and that's it. That's. It's as simple as that. And drink really good lattes.
Cassie Kellner [00:04:50]:
That's right. So I. I have to read this. Okay. You posted this recently, and I was like, I think I threw like 100 fire emojis. You're like, serving mid-40s realness. This was on your Instagram. The ortho queen, by the way, trying not to be 25 again, girl, let me tell you, that was like. Yes, okay. You wrote been there. Did the low rise jeans.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:05:15]:
The low rise jeans, girl. Oh, my gosh. God forbid you. You were going to feel bloated that day.
Cassie Kellner [00:05:21]:
Oh, oh, no, no. There's no. There's no room for that. Also, like, when the low rise. And then you sat down and then the crack was out and like. Yeah, all the things. No, no, no, no. Okay, no. And then this is what you wrote, which was super powerful to me. Ready? You already know. These days, it's confidence, good lighting, and knowing who the heck I am. Here's to loving the skin we're in. Okay. Farah.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:05:46]:
Yes, girl?
Cassie Kellner [00:05:47]:
I was like, listen, as someone who had just turned 40 last November 2nd, something happened when I turned 40 where I was like, oh, I'm. I'm not going to say the word, but I was like, I'm in the effort. I'm 40. Let's go. I am who I am. My body is who my body is. I've had two beautiful children. I. I'm. I am who I am. And don't get me wrong, to everyone.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:06:14]:
I zip it up. It's so true.
Cassie Kellner [00:06:17]:
I am who I am. And, and like, there's the 25 year olds out there that are listening. Like, the, the imposter syndrome was real for me. Don't get me wrong. There's been, like, a tremendous amount of growth. But that, that post, Farah, and, and what you just said about who you are, and it's everything, you know, I.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:06:39]:
Mean, I hope people at all ages can just, you know, like, at 25, I. I was. I was trying to live that, you know, life, but it was a perspective through being 25, you know what I mean? And I think that you got to embrace the phase you're in, you know, and, and life thing is going to life. And I think that it doesn't necessarily change the essence of who we are, but it really does give you different perspectives, right?
Cassie Kellner [00:07:07]:
Yeah.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:07:07]:
And so the more people I meet, the more situations I encounter, the more hardships and challenges and struggles that I go through, the one thing that stays consistent is basically the lens in which I see myself and the world. Right. Like, that is going to always be the most important thing. And if I can control that. Right. And I control that narrative for myself, it's like, bring it on. Right?
Cassie Kellner [00:07:32]:
Yes.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:07:32]:
And so you. I come across people, and I know you do too, where, you know, on the outside, they're so focused on the facade of things.
Cassie Kellner [00:07:42]:
Yes.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:07:43]:
And then you. And then you. And then you. You really kind of get in there and you're like, yikes. Like, there's so much to unpack here. And that just makes me sad because what's happening is you're on this journey, but you're not really living it. Right. You're kind of like living it for other people or what you perceive.
Cassie Kellner [00:08:01]:
Yes.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:08:01]:
Other people expect.
Cassie Kellner [00:08:03]:
Yeah.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:08:03]:
And. And I think this comes back to. I think you and I talked about this when we first met, like, the idea of authenticity, like being authentic to yourself. And that was a struggle for me, honestly, Cassie, because when I, When I went to dental school. I was a lot older. I was the. I was the eldest in my class because it was a second career for me. And so I would look at everyone else that was so much younger than me and be like, whoa. Like, why? Like, they were getting into orthodontic residency was very competitive at my school. I mean, in most schools, it is. And so there's this. They call those kids the gunners. They're like, oh, like, you know, they're like. They're like, oh, like, so focused on being top of the class. It feels kind of cutthroat. And I was like, this is not for me. Like, I was not even considering orthodontic residency until I met her. Oh, no, not at all. Because I was like, I'm already older. I'm not going to finish dental school until my early 30s. Like, I. You know what I mean? Like, I'm good. Like, I've been in school, I feel like, forever. I was working school. And so what changed my perspective was meeting a faculty member, Dr. Day Felipe, who. Shout out to Dr. Day, who is amazing. And she was so different than what I had. I had this idea of what an orthodontic resident was going to be, and I felt like I didn't fit into that mold. And even after, even once I went through residency, and I realized, no, there's so much variety, and there's room for me here. But even when I would go to these big conferences, a lot of times I felt like I was kind of, like, out there. Like, I was. I'm the one showing up with. Wearing, like, bold colors and, like, doing little things. But it just made me feel. And I realized it's me. It's not other people. They're not making me feel like I don't belong. I have this narrative, this false narrative in my head of what I thought an orthodontist should be. Right?
Cassie Kellner [00:10:00]:
Yes.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:10:01]:
And then I was beating myself up about not fitting that. And then also, I would try to fit it. And then I felt like crap, because I felt like I was being disingenuous. Then I would be really genuine. And then I felt kind of insecure. Cause I was like, can people handle me? And then I got to a point where I was like, you know what? I started practicing. I started being around my patients. And then in my own little world, right. Where I wasn't worried about anything.
Cassie Kellner [00:10:27]:
Yeah, it's yours.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:10:29]:
It's mine. Right? So I started creating that vibe that. That really represents, you know, me and my team and just the culture we were creating, and I realized that my patients love it and they appreciate it, and. And that's what it was. Weird. But that's kind of what made me finally. You would think it would come sooner, but realize that it's okay. I am different from a lot of people. There's. There's this. You can't brush everyone with. With.
Cassie Kellner [00:10:58]:
With.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:10:59]:
With this one broad brush, which is so dangerous to do anyways.
Cassie Kellner [00:11:02]:
Right.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:11:03]:
And. And there's room for me here. I come from a different background. I have. I'm an art major. You know, I studied art and architecture. So, like, I just see through things through a different lens. So, like, even in the offices that I would design, I realized, like, a lot of people were doing kind of, like modern, very, like, monotone, which is beautiful, but it just wasn't my vibe. And here I am doing, like, colorful murals and, like, bought myself, like, a bubble pink couch for my receptionary, like, things like that. You know what I mean?
Cassie Kellner [00:11:34]:
Yes. I, you know, I can relate to this on. On obviously a different level, just being from team member to consultant, you know, 10 years ago, I remember my very first AAO being in a booth with the consulting company that I was with. I have a very small dove tattoo on my foot, and it's for my grandmother. She was really important to me. She's passed. And I would go to Sephora and get, like, Kat Von D makeup, and I would cover it because I was like, oh, people aren't going to want to work with me if they see that I'm not this cookie cutter and you couldn't even see this thing. I was wearing flats. Like, you wouldn't even know. And I did that actually for a few. For a few years, wherever I would go, because I was like, oh, you know, I think they want this certain individual and I can't. Yes, yes.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:12:33]:
Well, the first job I took as an orthodontist, they would not allow assistance. They had to cover their tattoos.
Cassie Kellner [00:12:39]:
Yeah.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:12:40]:
So if they had, like, a tattoo, they had to wear, like, long sleeve. And then when I had more authority, I was like, oh, hell no. I'm. I'm all about, listen, I'm working on my sleeve. I got a little heart.
Cassie Kellner [00:12:51]:
Oh, it's so cute.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:12:53]:
Which is very meaningful, and we'll get to that later. But I. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. You represent the community.
Cassie Kellner [00:13:02]:
Yeah.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:13:03]:
And being, I guess, coming from the art background, I was like, this is beautiful.
Cassie Kellner [00:13:07]:
Yeah, this is beautiful.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:13:09]:
I want, like, I have assistants that had, like, straight up all arm, the piercings, the hair color. Like, I. And then I have others that are just like. And that's okay, too. Yeah, but you're absolutely right. We. We. We put ourselves into a box. Sometimes the box is there, but I think it's so important to recognize, like, it's fine.
Cassie Kellner [00:13:31]:
I. And then one year, I was like, what the hell am I doing? Like, this is me, and this. This tattoo is meaningful to me. And, like. Like, it's not like, some teardrop on my face, like, calm down, Cassie. You know, I just. I felt like I needed to fit.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:13:49]:
In this molding mind come through, I thought. Right.
Cassie Kellner [00:13:55]:
And so I have. I have had probably in the last five years, like, these aha. Moments of, like, I am who I am, and I really like me. And there are things about me that I'm still like, girl, you need to handle that, you know, because I'm human. But I loved the. And. And I think that when we met at the ao, that was, like, immediate for us. Like, the connection was just like, oh. We got into such, like, authentic conversations within, like, 15 minutes. And I was like, oh, it was just so refreshing for me. I've been in this industry for 21 years, and to see that and. And. And to not see the cookie cutter and by the way, to see that even more in the industry outside of you and I is the most beautiful thing. The people that I've come across that are like, yeah, I am who I am. I can think of so many people right now where I'm like, yes.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:14:52]:
Yeah. So if any are also realizing, like, they have people like you to also guide them and help them, which I think is so important, and I wish more people would really tap into that because they try to find the answers themselves sometimes. And I feel like it's so, like, I really value having consulting and having someone come and give me a perspective that I may not think I have or maybe add to what I already have.
Cassie Kellner [00:15:18]:
But.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:15:19]:
But that was the whole talk. That was. The whole point of my talk, was that if you are your authentic self, it's actually smart from a business perspective, too, because people we know, they've already. I don't. You don't need to do the research on this. I haven't done the research because others have already done it for years. That shows that people make decisions, business decisions, based on their emotion and connect and connection with what they're getting. And in orthodontics, it's not logo. It's not your brand. Of course, those things add to the narrative, but they're connecting to you. To you and your team. Right. And so how amazing is it if you get to just be. Bring out the best in you every day and let that be what everyone sees. Right?
Cassie Kellner [00:16:03]:
Totally. Yeah, that. And so, okay, something that is really. First of all, I didn't know that you started ortho later in life, so that is really powerful. But also, you have over 25,000 followers on Instagram, your handle at Ortho Queen, and it's so good. I cannot. But people often perceive this as, like, this overnight success. Like, you were never in the trenches. Like, it just came so easy to you to go, like, bloop, here I am.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:16:36]:
And, you know, unless you're like, in, like, the spotlight, like, whether it's like you're an actress or musician or someone, I feel like, to grow your social media. So, like, what I did for me, I used to have, like, a professional account, and then I had a personal account. And then what I found was that it was really hard for me to do. But I was always told from the get go, I was like, never have your personal account be public to your patients. Like, that was just always drilled into my head. And I can understand why, because, like, you would. You don't want to be. If you're. Let's say you post something that could be very polarizing. You don't want to make anyone, any one of your patients feel, like, alienated. Right?
Cassie Kellner [00:17:20]:
Sure.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:17:21]:
But I was like. I was like, no. There's certain things that happened in my life that I was like, I can't. First of all, I don't have the time. I love social media. I get really creative. Like, it's my opportunity to, like, post songs and I have so much fun. And I was talking to Dr. Jackie Chic about this too, who's awesome. And I'm sure a lot of people know who she is. She's a speaker and she. She's like, I love sitting there and picking music over, like, some video clip. Like, it's our way of being creative, right? Totally. For me, it doesn't feel like a chore, but I didn't like this idea of having two separate, like, accounts for me. So I. I did them together and then I. So when you go on my account, you're gonna see pictures of my kids, Like, Noah, literally. Aria. My. My.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:18:10]:
My eldest put blue eyeshadow on my three year old. Because today the girls, I have three. I have three kids. One just turned six, the other one is turning seven in, like three weeks. They're 11 months apart. And Then Noah just turned.
Cassie Kellner [00:18:24]:
Oh, my goodness. That's a whole other story, a journey.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:18:28]:
And so they're supposed to. The girls are supposed to be barn animals. And of course, me being extra, one's like a peacock, and the other one's a flamingo. And I'm like, girls, y' all look great. Who wants glitter? And so I glitter them. And then next thing I know, Noah's getting blue eyeshadows. But. But here's the thing. Like, I don't care. I'm not a private person. I respect people that are very private, and they're like, we don't want to share that. And I get that, but it's just not the way I'm wired. And so. So I was very comfortable letting patients know. And at the time, I wasn't giving all my patients my cell phone number. Now I do, and I tell them to text me if they need anything. I want to be accessible to them. And. And. And honestly, like, 99.9 are very respectful. They will only message me if they really, like, need to. And I'm happy that they do because it's usually a quick fix.
Cassie Kellner [00:19:18]:
Sure.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:19:19]:
But I also encourage them to follow my Instagram, because in many ways, that's how they communicate with me. That's how we touch. Dr. Kar, I lost my retainer. I'm like, all right, girl, call the clinic on my day. Come in. We got you. You know, so it's just. It was very slow, and. And we. We were very intentional. Like, Like, I was like, hey, like, when we had a new patient come to start, we would, like. We'd be like, if the. If the clinic had an Instagram, we were like, follow the clinic. And then here's Dr. Kar's Instagram. And that's. It kind of went from there. But that wasn't an easy journey either. Cassie. And I do want to mention something, because in any day like this happened, actually three months ago, suddenly my Instagram followers, like, in a matter of a couple days, went up to, like, 30,000 and then dropped down to, like, 23,000 and then went back to 25. So.
Cassie Kellner [00:20:08]:
Oh, interesting.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:20:10]:
Yep. So I did some research. So a couple years ago, this was probably pre Covid. I had signed. I had, you know, like, influencers come with you. And at the time, it was really big to, like, partner with influencers, and they would get free orthodontic treatment. And. And as a result, we had, like, a contract about how they would post regularly to access, like, the local influencer followers. Right.
Cassie Kellner [00:20:33]:
Yeah.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:20:34]:
Well, I'm pretty Sure. I mean, I've talked to some people that are very, like, involved in this. I. They basically gave me fake bots, they gave me fake accounts. And I don't know. So I'm. I'm always. So when I see that go up like that and then like drop, I know that those accounts are being, like, wiped out and then some of them are restarting. So be very careful when you are, because you'll have a lot of influencers that look like they have a lot of followers.
Cassie Kellner [00:21:09]:
Yeah.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:21:09]:
But they actually don't.
Cassie Kellner [00:21:11]:
Okay, that is wild.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:21:13]:
They have fake accounts and then they're getting free services. They're going to their dermatologist, they're going to their orthodontist, they're going to whoever they're telling. Oh, yeah. If I post, you know, if you give me a discount or if you give me this. And then here you are thinking you're getting exposure for your clinic, but all your knitting and they're getting everything, so be careful.
Cassie Kellner [00:21:34]:
Wow. Wow. You know, it's so wild, the whole bot thing. Oh my gosh. I mean, it really is really interesting and to see the influx in like, what, what, what happened on your social and what probably continues to happen because. Right.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:21:50]:
I thought my account was hacked. And then when I reached out to, it was like meta's, like, they have this whole, like, separate thing. They're like, that's probably what's happened. But they were like, it's probably a very small percentage because when, when your account becomes verified, you go through a certain process to become verified to get the blue check mark. And that's one of the things in their criteria to look at, to see. So. So that's another thing. If you have someone that is like, got a high number of followers but is not verified, that's just one extra layer that you may want to think twice about.
Cassie Kellner [00:22:25]:
That's really good for our listeners to like, you know, I mean, still learning.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:22:30]:
But of course, I also, I also linked my account to face Facebook, but I never go on Facebook.
Cassie Kellner [00:22:36]:
Yeah.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:22:36]:
And I know I should. I probably have 50,000 messages.
Cassie Kellner [00:22:39]:
Right.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:22:40]:
I just don't.
Cassie Kellner [00:22:41]:
No, I can only do so much. Let's get real.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:22:44]:
I love Instagram because I'm a visual person. I love the videos, the photos, all. I have cousins and family all over the world. It's a great way for me to stay in touch and then of course, staying in touch with, with my patients over the years, which I love doing.
Cassie Kellner [00:22:59]:
Yeah. So you have these followers. You've done, you've done all of the things. You're in ortho, you're incredibly authentic to all of the things. But people might look at you, Farah, and go like, oh, it's so easy for her. You know, it's so easy for her to, to do all of this. I'm never going to get there. You know, it looks like she just got straight out of school and just became this like, well, one overnight sensation. She's got a booming practice and a wonderful team. She lectures like crazy. She's all over. Like, what would you say to.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:23:43]:
Oh, honey, you have no idea. You have no idea. And this is, this was a lesson to me because I was that person that would always look to other people.
Cassie Kellner [00:23:55]:
Yep.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:23:56]:
And.
Cassie Kellner [00:23:56]:
And oh, comparison is, oh, the death of joy.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:24:01]:
Right. And it wasn't in the way of like, it wasn't it from like an envy perspective, but I was like, why? I would. I got into this like, mode. It was a very short amount of time in my life, but I was like, why do I always have to struggle? Why does it always have to be so hard? Right. So I'll give you guys some examples. First of all, things don't come naturally to me. I have adhd. I was diagnosed last year along with my daughter. Yep. So when I took her, because I was like, I don't know what to do with, with her. This is my eldest. I was like, she's an angel at school. But when we would go talk to her teachers, we were like, who are they talking about? Because the girl we have at home is very different than the girl that we have at school. We're having really struggling with her. And so when she was getting evaluated, I was like, I think because. Because the teacher, I mean, the therapist was like, it's highly genetic. Da, da, da, da, da. I'm like, oh my God. Oh my God. And so I got evaluated and that helped me have better understanding of myself. But one of the things that I struggled always with was like, I couldn't take standardized tests just naturally and rock it, you know, I was like a strong B plus student. Right. I wasn't that, like, oh my God. I had to work really hard, like really hard to somehow get that A. I. Memorizing things didn't come naturally to me. So I. So in school I always struggled and I really had to work extra hard. And it was even. It was, it was so hard because when I switched from art, I didn't have any science courses under my belt. So I took the bare bone science courses to get into dental school. And. And then once I actually got into dental school, I realized that there were so much that they were teaching that relied on those other courses that I just never had. And so that first year was really rough.
Cassie Kellner [00:25:58]:
Yeah.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:25:58]:
And so. So school was always rough. I. From a professional aspect, there's certain details I still can't say because I'm still in the thick of it. But basically, long story short, I joined a group. I was able to become a part owner in that group. I started several practices from scratch and built them up over eight years to be very successful practices. And then. And then walked away. I had to walk away.
Cassie Kellner [00:26:29]:
Wow.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:26:30]:
And lost everything.
Cassie Kellner [00:26:31]:
Oh.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:26:32]:
And so I have had to start over. And I. Yeah, I've had to start absolutely over. And. And. And you would think, like, you know, at first I was like, I'm walking away from everything I built, and I'm gonna have nothing to show for it. Not financially. But the experiences that I gained, I think, are so invaluable. I think money comes and goes. But again, this is just me having understanding that. That it's all. It's not that, like, bad things don't happen. It's like, how you respond to them.
Cassie Kellner [00:27:06]:
Right, Absolutely.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:27:07]:
And so when people see me on the outside, and a lot of times they'll see me lecturing and they'll be like. And I'll be talking about, you know, building a practice and having a successful. They just assume that right now I have all those things going on, and I am working as an associate doctor. But I had to walk away from so much that I built. Right. And this is. This is fairly fresh. It'll be two years come August. And so that struggle is so real.
Cassie Kellner [00:27:35]:
Yeah, of course. Talk about a major life flip. Right?
Dr. Farah Kar [00:27:41]:
Yeah.
Cassie Kellner [00:27:41]:
And. And you hit a point, too, where you're like, what did I just do? What am I doing now? Like that. That's, like a pivotal moment in anyone's. It is life.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:27:53]:
It is. It is. And it's like, on one hand, you're walking away from everything you built, and as a result, you're in my situation. What I had built was gone, meaning financially, I wasn't coming out with anything. But also, I'm. I'm. I'm also fighting in litigation.
Cassie Kellner [00:28:12]:
So what I.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:28:13]:
Well, then what I am, like, making. Instead of it going towards my future or my family, it's going to pay for lawyers. And so that's just my reality.
Cassie Kellner [00:28:23]:
Yeah.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:28:24]:
You know what I mean? And don't get me wrong, Cassie. I have days, I would say probably, oh, God, of Course, once every, like, two weeks, you know, depending on what song comes on, if I'm in the car, I'll show a tear.
Cassie Kellner [00:28:34]:
Totally.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:28:35]:
Yeah. And it's not like a boohoo tear. It's more like a. I'm tired. I'm emotionally tired from this here. Right. And. And then I just wipe it off and I'm like, you got to keep it going. Like, there is no other choice. You are going to keep it going. So why add insult to injury? Why. Why be miserable during this time? This is something you're just going to have to endure. So I'd rather endure it with a positive attitude.
Cassie Kellner [00:29:04]:
Yeah, I can relate to that. On. So, okay, first of all, I think you just diagnosed me with adhd. Now I need to look into this.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:29:11]:
Because, I mean, I. I'm pretty confident we're there.
Cassie Kellner [00:29:17]:
Yeah, My mind is actually blown. I'm like, farah, I'm not kidding. When I get off this, I need to do some research. I also can relate on the pivotal moment in your life where you make a dramatic decision to shift. I mean, Everbloom has been born for just over a year now. I made a pivotal shift in my career at the end of 2023. And again, I was like, I turned 40 and I was like, my youngest was going in or my. I'm sorry, my oldest was going into kindergarten. I was turning 40. I was like, what. Where. What. What is happening? Who am I? I want to be authentically Cassie, and I want to share this with people. I want to share my story. I want to share my journey, you know, and I don't. I want people to feel less alone. And so, you know, out came Everbloom and all of the things. But I. There's something so powerful and refreshing to that moment. And. And same. I think a lot of people sometimes look at me like, damn, look what you've done. Look at how you've shifted. Look at how successful this is. And like, I'm still in the wild ride of essentially startup and, and, and so. But there's. There. I'm. I get the feeling. Farah and I feel like we can relate on this too. There's a sense of grit and a sense of hustle that you really have to have, like, at your core in order to do the massive pivots that I think you and I have done over the past couple of years that people genuinely have to have because fear is real. And, you know, that's.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:31:21]:
Wouldn't you say that that's one of the biggest misconceptions is that when people see or hear things that other people are doing, that's hard. They just assume. Assume that they're doing it in the absence of fear. I don't think I've ever done anything without fear. The only difference is I don't let it paralyze me. I, I like, literally sit with it. I'm like, oh, I'm. I'm. I'm literally scared out of my mind right now.
Cassie Kellner [00:31:43]:
Yep.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:31:44]:
Like shaking. But, but, but. And it's. And it's just gonna be my friend. It's with me. But I'm still moving forward. And I love that you use the word grit because I read this book. So I saw this quick tech TED Talks. And I love TED Talks. Angela Duckworth, she wrote a book. She's a researcher, and she wrote a book called Grit. And so I read that book and I don't read books often. I would rather listen to like, you know, like blasting music in my car. But nonetheless, I actually read this book on a flight and it was like, so comforting because she was basically talking about. And I talked to my kids about it, even though they're young, that it's not about being smart. There's a lot of people that are naturally smart, meaning things click fast. They got a good memory, they're great at math, they're good at this, they're good at that. That doesn't mean anything. I will outgrip that fudge out of anyone.
Cassie Kellner [00:32:40]:
Oh yeah.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:32:40]:
I am the pro at failing. Dusting myself off and keep it going and trying again. And, and it really is. And, and, and that's the definition of grit is not just the, the person. It's. It's basically being able to stick to something that is difficult for an extended period of time. Not giving up quickly. Right. And so, and I, and I do. I'm a big believer that. So that's why they say, like, even I. I wanted to really learn her research because it's really geared around not just how you see yourself, but also how you parent. And with having young kids and, and I, I really appreciate the fact that, like, my parents growing up were not focused on what I was going to be when I grew up, but more so my work ethic. My parents are very big on work ethic. My dad's like, I don't care what you want to be. My mom would say it too. I just want you to be the best at it. I want you to try to be the best at what you do. Right. And so, and sticking to something and Working really hard towards your goal is so important. It's so much more important than being naturally spiritual smart.
Cassie Kellner [00:33:48]:
Oh. Oh.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:33:49]:
Because people who are really naturally smart, or let's say just things, just come easy to them. One of the things that they really struggle with, and that's what her research showed, is that they can't handle failure because it hasn't really been a part of their life.
Cassie Kellner [00:34:02]:
Exactly. That is like, the core grit.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:34:06]:
Yes. Girl, you gotta fail. I'm all about the fail. Here's to fail.
Cassie Kellner [00:34:10]:
Oh, gosh. I mean, are you kidding? And, like, I am the daughter of a single mother who worked two jobs and hustled, like, watched the hustle. Right. Like, I mean, Truly. And the daughter of a mother who was like, you want to do it, do it. You want to go, go. I mean, I'm from California. I live in Connecticut. My mom's like, you want to live in Connecticut? You live in Connecticut? Like, it was like, you are this beautiful butterfly who can do whatever the hell you want to do. And, like, I think, truly, without that, there was no guilt. There was no, you know, and. And so watching her hustle and her grit raise these two daughters by herself, probably truly scraping pennies behind the scenes, but not showing an ounce of that and gave us the confidence. I mean, watching this very powerful woman and feel. Making us feel empowered to do it.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:35:13]:
Yeah.
Cassie Kellner [00:35:13]:
But also not. I mean, I did not grow up with a silver spoon. And now that you've diagnosed me with adhd, I understand. You know, I was really into the arts. I love creativity. Canva and me are best friends. Like, you know, I just. I. I also go off on these, like, wild paths of, like. Oh, my God. I have an idea. Okay, here we go. I'm gonna do it like this. They. You know, I'm trying to be more intentional in my 40s, but I'm very impulsive when it comes. Yes. Let's go. You know, I do think that you have to have grit at your core. It either has to come from your childhood or your workforce. You know, you kind of crawling. Climbing that ladder and figuring those things out. I don't. I genuinely don't. And people can disagree. I don't know that grit really comes naturally to you. Like, you're not born with that.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:36:11]:
No, I agree with you. I think it needs something that needs to be either fostered. And a lot of times, it's not necessarily fostered, maybe intentionally.
Cassie Kellner [00:36:20]:
Sure.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:36:20]:
Maybe it's just, like, for you, like, you're just watching, you know, like, that's big like, you're, we're, we know that modeling behavior is really important, and so you're modeling this. And, and I have a lot of patients that are like, that are like in the therapy space or psychiatry space. And, and they always say they're like, once you have stability, security and love, and it could be from one parent or two parents, it doesn't matter. No parents. It could be your grandparents, whoever. As long as you have those three, three covered. The rest of parenting is all about modeling. You're modeling behavior. There's no point of telling your child to be this, this, this, this, because they're learning the most by watching you.
Cassie Kellner [00:36:56]:
Yeah. Which is terrifying.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:37:00]:
And now with the latest research that's been published about, about like the happiness factor, which is a very like, broadly defined thing, but like really this idea that, you know, feeling emotionally somewhat stable has a lot to do with a mother's happiness. Yeah, it's the mother's happiness. It's the mother, like, how was your mom growing up? And so I, I love that you brought up single mom, because I work with a lot of single moms and I, I treat a lot of patients with single moms and they're just, they're the magical unicorns. And it's, it's a whole different world that I didn't get exposed to. My exposure was first generation immigrants, which I feel like it's interesting we're talking about this right now because literally, you know, I, I was born in Iran and my family left Iran when I was 33. It was during a war between Iran and Iraq. And so my dad had a great stable job, my mom had a great stable job. They lived a very strong middle class life in Iran. And when you left at that time, you left with nothing. You left with nothing. And so my dad had to take a job and we immigrated to Canada and my dad took a job working in a pizza shop.
Cassie Kellner [00:38:22]:
Wow.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:38:23]:
Starting completely over. And like, he couldn't speak the language, so he was just like cleaning. Right. And working his way up and he learned English working there. And, and same with my mom, like, the sacrifices. They left everybody they knew at the time. We didn't have any family here. They left everyone they knew. I have a different perspective on, like, the amount of hustle that it takes to survive because you're so desperate to leave an environment no matter how much you love where you're coming from. And we're very proud Persians. At the end of the day, your blood, your family, your children are going to come before any one country and, and when you're like, this is not a country that feels safe for my children. They are not going to be able to grow and prosper here. It's, it's just the fact that they made that sacrifice, truly, because I was the one that got to go to kindergarten, you know, starting in Canada, I got to experience, you know, Christmas and Halloween and all that stuff. My parents were too busy working. They were just trying to make it for me, you know what I mean? And so I, which is really funny because when I do fail or like something bad happens, like this thing that we were talking about, there was no sympathy coming from my mom and dad and I love them for it. My mom was like, literally was like. And, and you know, you could talk to a therapist and be like, farah, that's kind of trauma. Like that's not a healthy response. But that's just who she is. She's like, oh, oh really? You're sad because you lost all your money, but you get to be an orthodontist and you work in an air conditioned environment.
Cassie Kellner [00:40:06]:
Yes. Right.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:40:08]:
A beautiful family. She's like, she's like, oh, you want me to feel bad for you? How about losing everything and your everything, you know, getting bombed and losing everything and not. And having to escape and da da, da, not speaking. You like all this stuff like perception. Perception. Trying to keep it real.
Cassie Kellner [00:40:26]:
Yes.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:40:27]:
I see those people when I, when I go to a restaurant and I see someone in the back who is like struggling and like is like doing that work. I know that person. I see that person through a different lens. And then I see them again in my practice when they're coming in with an envelope of cash to have their children have orthodontic treatment. That was my family. That was my family, you know, And I think, I think children of immigrants are just wired different because you have this. I don't know what it is. It's. It's the grit you're seeing from them.
Cassie Kellner [00:41:06]:
Yes.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:41:07]:
But it's also, it's the perspective of what you, you're. It's too close, right? You, you, you're like, holy cow. Like this is something, you know?
Cassie Kellner [00:41:14]:
Yeah.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:41:15]:
I remember even being three. I remember when we would go out of the city when we knew the bombs were going to come. I remember I used to think it was fireworks and I didn't realize that fireworks were not colored and shooting up. It was the anti missile. It was the anti missile going up and trying to get the bomb so that they wouldn't hit the city. And they were. They were orange going up. And I remember, like, everyone around me crying, but I remember things thinking like, oh, my God, this is so colorful. Like, are these fireworks? Like, I was only three, but I have that memory only because it was something colorful paired with. Paired with trauma. The women and the men in my family holding each other, crying, watching happen. So, like, to this day, like, I don't think my mom and them enjoy fireworks or any, like, sense, you know what I'm saying? But it's just perspective, and we all have it in our own way. You don't have to have dealt with, like. Like major. Like, that's, like, major stuff. I feel like for. For what my parents endured. But. But a lot of it is also just exposure.
Cassie Kellner [00:42:17]:
Yeah.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:42:17]:
And that's always been. My worry is like, okay, here I am an orthodontist. My husband's an engineer. We live in, like, a adorable little ranch house, right? We. We go to a restaurant and we eat regularly. That's not the thing we used to do growing up. We go on vacations. And. And so what I've realized is that it's going to be my responsibility to, first of all, check that and make sure you're going to get checked. Okay. Second, I need to expose them. I need to expose them. They need to see the world. They need to see true poverty. They need to see all those things and experience it, you know, 100%.
Cassie Kellner [00:43:00]:
I feel the same.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:43:01]:
Oh, you can pull from perspective.
Cassie Kellner [00:43:04]:
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I mean, we live kind of the same. My husband works in medicine. I am a consultant, and. But my husband grew up. That's really interesting, too. I mean, that's a whole other podcast, but we grew up very different. His father was a veterinarian. He had a much more privileged life than I did. And we parent so similarly. Thank God, because the lives that we lived were very, very different. But I agree. You know, I check myself. My kids are 4 and 6 now. Of, like, you have no idea. Like, do you know how many times we order pizza just, like, on the regular? It's so normal for us. Growing up, if we got pizza. I was like, this is the best day ever.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:43:53]:
Like, my birthday.
Cassie Kellner [00:43:57]:
I agree. I. Oh, gosh. It really just perception. It puts everything into perspective.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:44:03]:
Truly, it does. And that helps me. That helps me. You know, I think back to all the hard things in my life, like, truly. And if I just for a moment, I, like, pull from that, and I'm like, I'm so grateful that I'm not there anymore. I can be sitting in My car, driving, and I'm just like, I'll have this, like, feeling that comes over me that's like, oh, my God. Like, thank God. Like, I'm so grateful. I'm so grateful I'm here. I'm so grateful I made it through that. I'm so grateful for this. And it was funny because I went to the University of Minnesota, and I was, I think, like a third year at dental school, and they invite guests to come to the university, like honored guests. And the Dalai Lama came as an honored guest, and I was like, oh, that's. That's cool. I would love to listen to that. I couldn't make it because I was, like, studying, but I came at the very end when someone, they were taking questions and someone said, what is the secret to happiness? Which. Happiness is a thing. It's a thing that comes and goes. And he said, it's, it's not about happiness, but he said the secret sauce to life in general is this of being able to feel gratitude. It's feeling grateful because it's really just comes back to, you know, the, the glass half full, half empty type thing.
Cassie Kellner [00:45:14]:
Totally.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:45:14]:
No matter how bad things are, it is important to just check, take a step back and, and, and just be like, wow, Like, I am grateful. I have this. I have this. I have this. You know, it's not as you're not focusing on what you don't have.
Cassie Kellner [00:45:27]:
Right. And the want, want, want, want, want. Right. Like, what's the next thing? What are we doing? You know?
Dr. Farah Kar [00:45:34]:
Right. And, and honestly, it's so funny because you're absolutely right. I, I, you know, before we got, we, we started our thing, I was telling you about this, like, dress that I'm obsessed with because I love. All right.
Cassie Kellner [00:45:45]:
Yes.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:45:45]:
Posted it on my Instagram, and people were like, oh, my God, I love this. Where'd you get the shoes? And where'd you get things? And there's this perception, okay. She's an orthodontist. She's probably, like, you know, always buying, like, expensive stuff. And I'm like, no, those shoes were, like, $12 off Shein. Okay? Like, my designer, like, my designer is like, Zara.
Cassie Kellner [00:46:08]:
Right, Zara.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:46:11]:
Okay. And I, Because I buy, I don't buy based off of. I'm not buying based off the price tag.
Cassie Kellner [00:46:19]:
Right.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:46:19]:
I'm just that way, I buy off of what I actually like.
Cassie Kellner [00:46:24]:
Right.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:46:24]:
And I, and coming back to, again, being in our 40s, but I think this really started for me, even in my early 30s, is I realized very quickly that certain Things really spark joy in me. So one thing is traveling. I love seeing different parts of the world. I want to see so much of this planet. So that's where I would want to put my money, to be able to, like, save and do that. Having, like, a latte at a really nice coffee shop, that sparks joy for me. You know what I mean? Just experiences, you know, I do love a good spa. Like, stuff like that.
Cassie Kellner [00:46:58]:
Yeah.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:46:59]:
That's what I do.
Cassie Kellner [00:47:01]:
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I totally agree with you, Farah. Oh, joy.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:47:07]:
And I know it's like that girl that was talking about her closet and like.
Cassie Kellner [00:47:11]:
Yeah. Marie Kondo.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:47:13]:
Yes. And I'm like. I'm like, why not apply that to everything?
Cassie Kellner [00:47:16]:
Oh, 100%.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:47:17]:
I don't agree. I don't sign up for things that don't spark joy.
Cassie Kellner [00:47:21]:
Yeah.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:47:21]:
And I sign up. I will make time for you if it sparks joy.
Cassie Kellner [00:47:24]:
Yeah.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:47:25]:
And it just makes things so simple. And I don't feel guilty. I'm asked to do things all the time. And I'm like, no. And I don't need a reason. I'm like, no, I really can't. I'm sorry.
Cassie Kellner [00:47:35]:
Yeah. Because no is a complete sentence.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:47:37]:
It really is. It really is. Because my time is so valuable.
Cassie Kellner [00:47:43]:
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Before we go, what is one either surprise or lesson that has happened in life? It could be your career. It could be in parenthood. It could be your adhd. It could be, you know, that you want to share with our, our, our listeners a surprise.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:48:08]:
You mean like a lesson learned or like a true surprise shock?
Cassie Kellner [00:48:12]:
Either one.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:48:15]:
I mean, the one surprise and shock in my life that I struggle with every day is losing my daughter Ella, who I have really serious endometriosis. And so I was always told getting pregnant was going to be a challenge, but eventually I was told I can never have children. And so after 10 years of trying, we. We couldn't have children. And then I spontaneously got pregnant with twins. And Ella was fraternal. Fraternal twins. Ella was on the left side and Aria was on the right. And at 34 weeks, at a routine ultrasound, I was told that Ella doesn't have a heartbeat anymore, so they think she might have had a cord accident. That was by far the most shocking thing that I still go. I still relive that moment of, during that ultrasound of being told and then, and then. And then the emotion that came after was just sheer fear of, am I going to lose Aria, too?
Cassie Kellner [00:49:13]:
Yes.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:49:14]:
So Aria is about to be seven, and I, I, I. So that was the Shock. The surprise is what happens to me physically and emotionally as her birthday approaches. And her birthday is July 9th. And so the entire week before. And this is. I thought it was just like the first year and the second year, but it's been happening. And I. And I tried to, like, be like. Like, I don't know, I. Not that different about it, but it just happens. I get extremely emotional leading up, and then right before the birthday hits, I'm just taken over with joy to celebrate Aria's life.
Cassie Kellner [00:49:51]:
Yes.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:49:51]:
But I feel like my body and my brain and my. Everything about me needs to mourn Ella. And I think about her every day, but I go into this, like, really deep mourning phase. And you were talking about your. Your tattoo with your grandma. So that's why this tattoo is there, because I used to always. I always practiced orthodontics during each of my pregnancies to the last minute. And so when she would kick me on the left side, I would just rub on this side. She was the thriving twin. She was the one that we were never worried about. We were actually more worried about Aria. She was like, a little. Yeah, she was under £4. Ella. We were never worried about. She was like, taking up most of the room and like the thriving one. So that was the shock for me. And then also understanding through that and the grief that people don't know how to handle. Not necessarily don't know handle, but people will not tell you or say things to you that are. That are even remotely appropriate, but. But to not take it to heart because they themselves don't deal with something that you don't know how to deal with either. I would hear comments like, well, at least you got Ari. You got to keep her. Or, oh, now you're pregnant with Emma, because she was a shock pregnancy. Right after, they're like, oh, she's here to replace Ella. And I was like, but you didn't hold Ella. You weren't there. You didn't hold her. You don't know that she's. She was my baby. And. And. And. And so I. I had a different perspective and understanding of that because I have had patients, moms go through that, and I. And I would just be like, you know, sad for them. But I just didn't pause really. I paused differently about it now.
Cassie Kellner [00:51:32]:
Sure.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:51:33]:
You know what I mean? So that was my shock. That was my shock, and that's been my surprise is that like. Like trauma and grief is just so interesting, and everyone processes it differently. And I've gotten better at not resisting how I need to deal with it and not feeling bad about it. Like, I don't. I used to feel like it was a weakness or shame and, like, I felt almost guilty. Like, why am I doing this? I'm so grateful. Like, I have Aria. I should be just spending this whole time celebrating her. And then I realized that's not fair to me.
Cassie Kellner [00:52:03]:
No. I'm still allowed to mourn.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:52:05]:
I need to feel what I need to feel.
Cassie Kellner [00:52:07]:
Yes.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:52:08]:
And I let it feel. I'll sit in my car and I'll ugly cry. I'll put jam REM and I'll let it rip. And I'm. And I'm comfortable with. With it.
Cassie Kellner [00:52:15]:
Yeah. Oh, my gosh. That's so powerful. I also think in any industry, but in orthodontics, it's predominantly women and people really. This is real, you know, whether they're. Whether they're on the team or they're the orthodontist or, you know, and how to handle these things and that they're allowed to feel and they're allowed to grieve and mourn. You know, I. I hope that this really touches someone, that. And that they hear what you're saying, Farah, and you're allowed to continue this, to process seven years later.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:52:52]:
Oh, yeah, absolutely. And I think as more women come into the field of the. Like, being an orthodontist, I think it's. It's. It. It will also change that. That dynamic. That's my hope, because I think that a lot of women that I know have had to suppress a lot of things because they're working with the male provider, and the male provider is like. Is like, you need to check that at the door. And that's just not a thing. My patients didn't know that I lost Ella. When I came back to work, we. We were just all. So I was just completely. And I was worried about Aria surviving, so we didn't even send out an email to let people know. And when people were coming in, they all knew I was pregnant with twins. They were expecting twins. They knew I had had baby. They didn't know. So my front office was telling. Imagine telling 60 different families a day. And so it was like, crying in my waiting room. Then it was crying with me. Then it was. And so that was also one of the reasons that I decided to not have a private public account, because I realized that I'm actually. I'm a part of their life, and they're a part of my life. And. And I had no idea how connected they felt to me until I saw how devastated they felt for me. And that was also very eye opening.
Cassie Kellner [00:54:15]:
Yeah, of course. Farah, thank you so much for sharing that, for sharing your entire story, for sitting with me for almost an hour and I know I could keep going and for sharing this with the world and whoever will listen to this because it's so powerful and it just really kind of circles back to authenticity and not being afraid to be yourself. And. And as your lecture was, be that unicorn. And you know, and you really are, I. There was like, this immediate connection with you where I was like, o my gosh, we've got to do something together in some capacity because it's so refreshing.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:55:06]:
I love what you're doing. Keep doing it, girl. Yes. Absolutely excited.
Cassie Kellner [00:55:13]:
Thank you. Thank you so much for being here. I appreciate it.
Dr. Farah Kar [00:55:17]:
Thank you, guys.
Cassie Kellner [00:55:18]:
All right, we'll see you soon. Thank you for joining me on the Bloom Effect, where we keep it real, keep it growing, and always keep it team first. If today's episode sparked something for you, an idea, a shift, or just a reminder that you're not alone, take a second and share it with your team or a fellow ortho leader. Be sure to subscribe so you never miss a convo. And if you're loving the show, leave a review. It helps more practices. Find us and join the movement. And if you're ready to bring this kind of energy into your practice, visit discovery foreverbloom.com to learn more about working together. Until next time, keep leading with heart, keep building with intention, and keep blooming right where you're planted.
