Episode 40 - Solo
[00:00:00] Cassie Kellner: Welcome to the Bloom Effect. I'm your host, Cassie Kellner, former chairside assistant turned team coach and founder of Everbloom. This podcast is all about the real stuff, honest convos, leadership lessons, and the heart behind thriving orthodontic teams. If you're ready to grow, lead, and bloom, let's dive in Hey, bloomers.
[00:00:23] Welcome back to the Bloom Effect. I'm your host, Cassie Kelner, and today is a little bit different. It's just me, and I'm coming into this with my whole heart. So let me tell you why I wanted to really record this. I started my career as a dental assistant back in 2004, and when I think back on those early years, I can count on one hand, how many female doctors I really worked with, which is really fascinating because the first dentist I ever worked for was a female, and there was so much power in that as someone who was really new in this profession.
[00:01:00] and I think what's really interesting is I have been watching female dentists for the past 22 years, how they handle their team, how they give their team grace. And I think what's really fascinating about this is now in 2026, roughly 60% of dentists, orthodontists, anyone in that dental profession is female, right?
[00:01:26] And oh, man, I have chills. It's so incredibly powerful, and I have so many female clients, and people that I absolutely love and adore in this industry. And I think they-- we, as females, live a very different life as a business, practice owner than males. And so I really want to touch on this today because I think there's power behind it.
[00:01:58] I also am hopeful that you may feel a little empowered, by listening to this podcast today. there's a few things that really come to mind, that I have heard over time, that I hear female practice owners say all the time. The first thing I wanna talk about is, oh, man, one of the things I hear often is, "I don't wanna crum-come across too harsh."
[00:02:27] one of, I think the things that really sticks with me, that I've actually heard from multiple female dentists and orthodontists is, "My team listens to my husband more than me, and he doesn't even work here." Oof, you guys, we need to unpack that one. "I feel like I have to be, twice as prepared to be taken half as seriously."
[00:02:51] and then the last one is, "I'm exhausted, and I don't know who I'm allowed to say that to." I really want us to just sit in this for a second because, oh, man- That, that's what this episode is for, and it, and, it's a reminder of who you are. it's some real practical things that I really, want you to hear, and we're gonna get honest about what it's like to lead a team of women as women.
[00:03:20] And at the end, I'm gonna tell you about something I've been building that is basically this whole conversation turned into a few days, that honestly, you'll never forget. So here we go. We're gonna get into it. I wanna start by naming some things, because I think a lot of women in this profession are used to carrying them, that they don't even see them as strengths anymore.
[00:03:42] They just see them as what I have to do. So let me hold up a mirror for a minute. I want you to read the room. You know when your assistant is off before she says a single word. You notice when your front desk is short with a parent, and you know it's not about the parent. It's because something is going on at home.
[00:04:06] You pick up on the tension between two team members three weeks before it blows up in the break room, God forbid. That's not being overly sensitive. That, that... I want you guys to really take this in. That right there, all those things that I described that we feel, energy as women, is not being overly sensitive.
[00:04:27] That is emotional intelligence, and that is one of the most valuable leadership skills there is. And I, I- encourage people to push back on this because I believe, I, I feel this in my heart of hearts, if you have emotional intelligence, you can be the absolute best leader. If you are missing emotional intelligence, you probably have more things to work on than others, right?
[00:04:59] People with emotional intelligence, they build trust differently. We, as women, build trust differently. And by the way, everyone is different. Every female out there is different. I probably trust a lot faster than others, and vice versa, and that's okay, right? But I have watched female doctors sit down with a terrified eight-year-old and completely change the energy in the room.
[00:05:24] Think about this. I've watched them walk into a conversation with an anxious mom, r- run through in a, a thorough treatment plan in a way that made her feel like she was there and supported and a safe space to take care of her child. Patients and parents feel that. They wanna talk about it. They refer their friends because of it.
[00:05:49] This is because you care about culture, and you have high emotional intelligence. So when the team is out of alignment, you just don't see it on a spreadsheet. You feel it in your chest on a Monday morning. Sometimes it feels really deep Sometimes you feel very lost. Sometimes you feel very lonely, and that's okay.
[00:06:12] That's business, right? I don't want you to feel like this all the time, right? So oftentimes this means that you're the first person to fix it. That's a really beautiful gift. I'm not gonna lie. It's also really heavy. So I wanna talk about that as well. You're doing all of this in a profession that, let's be really, honest here, in a profession this- that was not built a million years ago with females in mind.
[00:06:45] The equipment, the schedules, the expectations around ownership, the hours, what a real doctor looks like, a lot of that was designed for a very different reality, and you've been adapting, you've been innovating, you've been making it work, often without anyone noticing how much extra effort that took. So here is what I really, want you to hear.
[00:07:14] None of that is soft. None of that is soft. That is leadership. So I want you to say it with me if you're in the car. None of that is soft. That is leadership. Okay. So now I, really wanna get practical because telling you that you're amazing and that you're great, all of that is wonderful, and I genuinely...
[00:07:38] I, from, my, the bottom, the depths of my soul, I want you to hear every single wor- word of this for Female practice owners everywhere, even if you're an associate, even if you are any female in leadership, I, really, want you to listen to this. I want you to walk away from this episode with a few things that you can actually do differently this week.
[00:08:01] So there are six things that I find myself telling female doctors over and over again, and some of them might sting a little bit, and that's okay. I say them because I care, okay? Are you ready? You guys ready for this? Okay. Number one, having standards is not being difficult, and I think for females, I know for me, that is really, difficult to compartmentalize in my brain.
[00:08:26] I can't tell you how many female doctors I work with who soft- they soften every single expectation until it doesn't even sound like an expectation anymore. Take that in. If you are softening your expectations too far, they do not sound like expectations anymore. "Hey, would you be able to, if you have time, possibly get, these chart notes updated by the end of the day?"
[00:08:54] Guys, too much fluff. Too much fluff, right? When the charts don't get updated, then there's frustration, and then it feels like you- you're guilty for f- for feeling frustrated, right? Here's the thing, and I've said this so much lately, you're probably tired of hearing me say it, but clarity is kind. So when you say, "Hey, I need the charts updated before you leave today," that's not too harsh.
[00:09:18] That's an expectation. That's very, clear. Your team actually wants to hear that. They want to know what success looks like in your practice. So when we are vague expectations make people anxious because it is too vague, right? They're constantly guessing whether they're doing a good job.
[00:09:36] So clarity is kindness, my friend. And if your team is confused and they don't have clear expectations, nine times out of 10, that's a tone problem, right? We just need to come forward with what those expectations are, what the system is, so that we have the expectation for our teams. Okay? So this week, I want you to catch yourself.
[00:09:59] Notice when you turn a statement into a question. Notice when you say, "No worries" to something that you absolutely are worrying about. And try to say it straight. Kindly, warmly, right? But straight. By the way, I'm saying this also to myself if I need to have conversations with clients. I am a no-worries kind of person and so I also admittedly need to really work on this, too.
[00:10:24] Okay? We're all in this together. Number two, your empathy is a strength and as long as it has a boundary. Guys, I've learned so much about boundaries in the past six years, I can't even tell you. So this one is big. You care deeply about your team and you hold them accountable. Both of those things are true at the same time.
[00:10:46] L- listen to me. You care deeply about your team And you hold them accountable. Both of those things can be true at the same time. But what I see happen over and over is the doctor who cares so much that she ends up carrying everyone's feelings, and then one day she wakes up and she's empty and she's lonely and she doesn't understand why, because she loves her team, she loves her patients, she loves the work.
[00:11:19] Empathy without boundaries isn't leadership. It's really self-abandonment. It's self-abandonment with a nice face on it. So here's what a boundary can look like. It can be, "I care about what you're going through, and I want to support you, so let's talk about what you need so that the team is covered, too."
[00:11:42] It can be having an office manager or a team lead who handles certain conversations so they don't all land on you. And, it can be not answering the group text at 9:00 PM, depending on what it is. You're allowed to care and still protect yourself. In fact, the way you protect yourself is what lets you keep caring for the long haul.
[00:12:07] Okay, number three: stop doing the stuff that isn't doctor work. All right, I'm lovingly going to call some of you out right now. So if you're the one that's doing ordering, if your team's just giving you the list and you're the one doing the supply ordering, you're the one fixing the schedule because nobody else knows how, you're the one managing your clinic because nobody's managing where you need to go from chair to chair, if you're the one answering the "Hey, quick question" texts on a, a non-doctor day, if you're the one who notices the bathroom is out of paper towels and you're handling it, I have to tell you, it's a delegation problem.
[00:12:44] And I know it feels a lot faster than just to do it. I know that you've been burned before, and that's why we always have delegation problems. But I have to tell you, it's taking your energy, it's taking your fo- focus, and it's taking your time with your patients and your people who actually need you. I did a whole episode on delegation, and I th- I'll link it in the show notes.
[00:13:06] But the short version of this is delegation isn't dumping, it's training someone, trusting them, and giving them the tools to succeed. Okay? So this week, I want you to make a list. Every time you go to do something else on ... E- every time you do something someone else on your team could have done with the right training and by writing it down I want you to write it down.
[00:13:31] So by Friday, you'll have a very eye-opening list and that's where we start. Number four, lead like you. A lot of women in this profession learn how to lead by watching someone else. And for a long time, that someone else was usually a man, a mentor. Maybe it was a female and you got really lucky because you got to see how they lead and you loved it, right?
[00:13:55] It was a mentor, a residency director, a practice owner that you maybe you were an associate for, and you could have learned how to lead in a way that really worked for you. Other times you go, "Yep, that's not how I wanna lead," right? And sometimes it was never a quite fit- it, was never a fit for you.
[00:14:16] Some of it felt like you were wearing somebody else's shoes. You tried to lead with the same energy, the same style, and it didn't feel like you. Here's the thing. Here's what I really, want you to know. There is no right way to lead a practice. You don't have to be the loudest person in the room.
[00:14:32] You don't have to be the most intimidating. You don't have to prefen- pretend that you don't have feelings or that you never hel- have self-doubt. The best leaders I know lead from who they actually are, right? I really want you to take this in. And people follow them because it feels real and, authentic.
[00:14:54] And in 2026, I gotta tell you something, we just want authenticity. So I want you to ask yourself, "What parts of how I lead really, feel like me? And what parts am I doing because I think that's what a doctor is supposed to look like?" So I want you to keep the first list, and I want you to start letting go of the second.
[00:15:17] Number five: build your circle on purpose. It is ... You guys, I see this so often. In any industry, it is lonely at the top. Everyone says that, and it's true. But I think it can be even lonelier as a woman owner or a female orthodontist or dentist because your circle is often smaller. So you might be the only female doctor in a study club.
[00:15:43] You might be the only woman at a table at a conference dinner. You might have friends outside of dentistry who love you, but they truly don't understand what it's like to make payroll, manage a team of 12 other women, and keep a full schedule. And sometimes, I'm gonna say this gently, sometimes the women around you, they don't feel safe either because somewhere along the line, a lot of us learn that there's only room for a few women up at the top, and if she's woming- winning, maybe that means there's less room for me.
[00:16:18] I really want to challenge that with every part of my being 'cause that's where the line comes from. Powerful women don't fear other women shining. They turn up the lights. The right circle is full of women who celebrate your wins instead of measuring themselves against you. Women who will teach you.
[00:16:42] Women who will tell you the truth. Women you can call after a crazy brutal day and say, "I don't know if I'm cut out for this anymore." And they'll say, "Yes, you are." And they'll say, "I've been there, too." If you don't have that circle yet, you're not a failure. It just means that you get to build it. So I want you to really build this and be intentional in building this on purpose.
[00:17:05] Number six, rest. You guys, take this in, because let me tell you, as a high-performing female who is, oh my gosh, owns a business, who, is the default parent by default because that's what I choose, who, has two children, who took on PTO president at my children's school for the next two years. I'm gonna say this slowly, 'cause I'm also gonna say it to myself Rest is part of the job.
[00:17:37] It's not a reward. It's not a reward after you've done everything. It's part of the job. It's part of our life. Because I promise you will never do everything. By the way, I'm saying this to myself because the to-do list does not end. Your practice will always need something. Your children will always need something, and someone will always need something on your team.
[00:18:00] But if you wait until everything is handled to rest, you'll never rest. We will never rest. You cannot pour into a team, into patients, into your family from an empty place. You just can't, you guys. It shows up eventually. It shows up as irritability with your team. It shows up in fatigue w- in your clinic.
[00:18:22] It shows up dreading Monday mornings in a job that you used to skip into, right? I, really, want you to start treating rest like you treat your schedule: something you can plan for, something you can protect, and something that is non-negotiable. It's not something you squeeze in. Okay? Okay. Now I need to get real with you for a minute because I can't do an episode of celebrating women in this profession and skip over the part that a lot of you are quietly struggling with.
[00:18:51] Most of you aren't just women in dentistry. You're women employing other women. So I want you to look around your practice, your assistants, your hygienists, your scheduling team, your treatment coordinator, your office manager, your leadership teams. In most offices, that's a team made up of almost entirely women, and you're the one leading them.
[00:19:13] And can we just say out loud that is not an easy task. Now, I wanna be really careful here because this is not me saying women are hard to work with because I am a woman and I have a female team. I've spent my whole career on teams full of women, and honestly, some of my best friends, some of the best people I have ever known from these teams.
[00:19:38] And I get to work with my clients who are predominantly women, which I have to tell you is really empowering as a female. The point is, that the dynamics, they're real, and nobody really prepares you for them, right? No one. So here's what I hear from female doctors all the time: "My team gave the male associates so much more grace than they gave me."
[00:20:03] "If I'm warm, I'm a pushover and there's no winning." "I thought we were friends and then I had to write her up and now the whole back office is icy." Guys, these are real. Like these are real, right? These are real. This is real stuff. Here's another one, "I feel like I'm the mom of the office and I didn't sign up for that."
[00:20:23] Does this sound familiar? Let's talk about a few of those because I don't want you to just, I, don't want you to just feel seen, I want you to have something, to do about this, right? You can be warm without being their best friend. And I talk about this a lot, and maybe I'll do another podcast about this subject, but moving from friend to leader is really tough and, I don't think female doctors feel this as much because they are the doctor so they start up at the top in managing this practice.
[00:20:55] But this is a big one. A lot of female doctors, especially new owners, they wanna be liked because we're human We wanna be liked for our team. That is so incredibly human, I can't even tell you. That's not male or female, that's human. And I just want people coming... You want people to enjoy coming to work.
[00:21:15] You want them to feel safe. You want them to feel like you're on their side, right? But when the line between boss and teammate gets blurry, every hard conversation gets 10 times harder. And the same thing goes for any leader. When boss or leader and best friend gets blurry, that's when conversations get really tough because now it's not just feedback, it feels personal, feels like betrayal on both sides.
[00:21:45] You can be fun, you can be kind, and you can remember birthdays, and ask about their kids, and bring them coffee on National Coffee Day. You are still the leader. Your team actually needs you to be the leader. It makes them feel safe. So when everyone knows where the line is, nobody has to guess. Okay, I'm gonna tell you something that I, really want you guys to take in.
[00:22:12] Gossip is a leadership problem, it's not a personality problem, and I, just... I really, want you guys to take this in. If gossip is ruining your practice and it's running through your practice, it's not because you hired the wrong personalities, it's because something in your culture is allowing it to live there.
[00:22:34] Gossip shows up when people don't feel safe going directly to each other. take this in. It grows when expectations are unclear. Remember, clarity is kind. It grows when the leader avoids conflict because then conflict just goes underground. Confli- conflict becomes gossip. So the fix isn't a new hire, the fix is you naming it.
[00:22:58] We don't talk about each other. We don't talk about each other, we talk to each other. We say it in a huddle. We put it in our core values, right? Systems protect relationships. This is one of the things that I'm really passionate about. So when your expectations only live in your head, every single correction feels personal.
[00:23:20] She hears, "The doctor's really upset with me." When your expectati- expectations are not written down, trained, or consistent, a correction becomes really difficult. So it takes too much for us to not create a standard. You have to create a standard for you And for your team. Okay, I'm gonna wrap this up, and I have to tell you about something because honestly, it's basically this entire episode turned into a few days.
[00:23:56] It's called Rooted. Rooted is a wellness and business retreat created specifically for female dentists and orthodontists made for women by women. Because I, built it because of everything that I just talked about. Because I keep seeing incredible female doctors who are running on empty, who didn't have a safe circle, who never got a chance to really breathe, rest, and connect.
[00:24:28] So here's what it is. First, rest is built in. Guided meditation, sound baths, breathwork, and daily yoga for every single attendee. You don't have to earn it. You don't have to schedule around it. It's part of the experience. Second is real connection. We have something called Bloom Circles, which are small group sessions built around topics that you submit before you arrive.
[00:24:53] So this is not generic networking. This is not where you swap business cards and you talk about the weather. This is conversations you actually need to have with the women who understand exactly what you carry. And yes, this is exactly the kind of thing that we talk about How do you lead a team of women?
[00:25:12] How do you hold the line? How do you still keep your heart in it? You'll be in a room with women who are still figuring it out. We're gonna talk about leading. We'll have Everbloom sessions on team behaviors, emotional intelligence, and female leadership, and you don't just leave rested. You leave steadier in how you run your practice and your life.
[00:25:34] We also have female guest speakers every single day, women who are currently walking this path. I am honored to have Dr. Sable Stoller, Dr. Melanie Wang, and Dr. Donna Galante joining us as both guest speakers and attendees. And because I believe in this community, it's not gonna end when the weekend ends when we're all together.
[00:25:58] We get Zoom connection calls throughout the year. So the women you meet at Rooted will become part of your circle long after you fly home. Rooted is application only, and the spots are limited on purpose, and I want this to be an intimate group where everyone actually gets to know each other. We are currently curating an experience.
[00:26:17] Applications open on November 13th. the wait list is currently open, and the best thing you can do right now is join it, so you're first in line when they open. You're gonna head to discovereverbloom.com/rooted, and you'll find it there. If you've been listening to this episode thinking, "I need this," I would really, love for you to be there.
[00:26:41] Before we wrap up, I wanna talk to one person specifically. Maybe you're listening to this in your car in the parking lot five minutes before you have to walk into the practice. Maybe you're listening to this between patients, eating lunch at your desk at it again. Maybe you're listening to this... I had a female orthodontist reach out to me and say she listens to this watch- or doing her clin checks in her practice.
[00:27:04] Maybe you're listening to this late at night when your kids are asleep and you're doing the dishes or you're feeling like you have a million things going on. I want you to hear me. You're not behind. You're building something, and building is really messy, you guys. It's supposed to be messy. The fact that it feels hard doesn't mean you're doing it wrong.
[00:27:23] It means you're doing it and means you're doing something that really matters. You chose one of the hardest professions out there. You made it through school. Through boards, through residencies, through the first terrifying couple of years of ownership or being an associate. You've done the hard things over and over again, and you're still showing up, and that's not nothing.
[00:27:45] That's literally everything. So here's my challenge for you this week. I want you to think of a woman in this profession that you admire. Maybe she's a colleague or a mentor, someone in your study club. Maybe she's your bestie from residency. Maybe you just follow her online. Or maybe she's on your own team, and I want you to send her a message.
[00:28:04] I want you to tell her specifically that you admi- what you admire about her. Tell her that she's doing a really, great job. I want you to turn up her lights because I promise you she needs to hear it as much as you do. You are exactly enough for this job and this profession. Thank you so much for spending this time with me today.
[00:28:25] If this episode meant something to you, please send it to a woman in your life who needs to hear it, a colleague, a friend, an associate, a former classmate. You never know who's quietly struggling. And if you're ready for a few days of rest, reconnect, and business with women who truly get it, head to discovereverbloom.com and join the Rooted waitlist.
[00:28:46] Applications open November 13th. And if you haven't already, subscribe to The Bloom Effect wherever you're listening and leave us a review. It helps more people find the show. Until next time, keep growing, keep leading, and keep blooming. Thank you for joining me on The Bloom Effect, where we keep it real, keep it growing, and always keep it team first.
[00:29:09] If today's episode sparked something for you, an idea, a shift, or just a reminder that you're not alone, take a second and share it with your team or a fellow ortho leader. Be sure to subscribe so you never miss a convo, and if you're loving the show, leave a review. It helps more practices find us and join the movement.
[00:29:26] And if you're ready to bring this kind of energy into your practice, visit discovereverbloom.com to learn more about working together. Until next time, keep leading with heart, keep building with intention, and keep blooming right where you're planted.
